What IS that that I'm feeling???

This is the box. The box full of bottles that is sitting in my living room ready to go to storage. The transition of moving from 3 bottles to 2 went just fine. He never asked for a bottle and I was still giving him the one before he went to bed (mostly to make me feel better). I was planning on continuing the bedtime bottle for awhile longer when I packed this box. But then.......

PEE-PEEEEEEEEEEE. Wet sheets, wet pajamas, wet baby at 3 am. For 2 days in a row he peed through his diaper for his naps and bedtime. I washed sheets 4 times in 48 hours. (And if you know my washer/dryer machine combo, you know how insane that is). So I went to the store and bought the night time diapers. On the 3rd night for bedtime, he still peed through his pajamas. And that is when I decided to stop the bottles all together. Tonight he went to bed without a bottle and tomorrow morning I will know if that was the issue. If the kid is dry tomorrow, ALL the bottles are going into that box and into storage.

My only real concern with ending all the bottles is that he's not getting enough milk. He won't really drink milk out of a sippy cup yet. I give him yogurt and cheese but I'm worried that's not enough. Hopefully, if I keep trying with the milk in the sippy cup he'll get used to it.



Meanwhile in Mommyland......... Something strange is going on. I don't know how to explain it. I mean, the other day we all went out to breakfast for Josh's birthday and we walked past a pet supply store and they had some cats there for adoption and I stopped to show Aaron the cat (Aaron, look! A cat! What does a cat say?) and I saw it's long white fur and big blue eyes and I couldn't stop staring. We went inside and I looked around a bit at the dog stuff but really I was just headed towards the back to look at that cat. And I read the card .... it's an older cat - seriously, like 12 or something - and it's missing teeth so you have to feed it soft food only and I just keep thinking Why would someone abandon a cat that is so old?. And then... I stuck my fingers in the cage and I Touched The Cat. ME. Um, hello! Dog person here! Cats are strange creatures that are better viewed from a distance. Just ask my allergies. My lungs appreciate that I am definitely a dog person. But I petted it, and felt sorry for it and almost wanted to take it home. If you could it's seen it's blue eyes...... But we left empty handed and for the next 24 hours I thought about that cat.

Then there's the desperate feeling I have to purge. Get all of this junk out of here! We need more room! Why? What's different now?

The other night I had a dream that my mom was pregnant and giving birth. But the baby was mine. Strange. All dreams are I suppose. But still.....

A few days ago I was looking on Craigslist for a new place to move into (mostly) and after a short while I realized I was really looking through the pets section for dogs. WTH?!

Something is going on here. Something. But I can't explain it. All I can say is that I think my brain is getting ready for something but my body has got a long way to go before it catches up with that silly, little brain of mine.

Stay tuned..................

I could never love again, so much as I love you

Hi.

Welcome.

This isn't so much as an update on Aaron as it is an update on mommy (me!). Last night I was holding my little chubba-chubba in my arms, putting him to sleep by the sounds of the Dave Matthews Band and I looked down into his sleeping face and thought, How could I ever love anything more than this?

You see when Aaron was first born I think I walked around in a daze..... partly because of those damn drugs but mostly because I don't think I realized that those 9 months had finally produced a beautiful baby boy that I could hold in my arms. A boy that I had to take care of, who was my responsibility and depended completely on me. Suddenly the confidence I had (I just knew I was going to be the best mommy ever!) went out the door and I was a bit nervous and unsure. On top of that I felt bad that he wasn't birthed and instead yanked out of my tummy via c-section. Was that traumatic for him?

Then there was the acid reflux and the gas and the constipation and the formula issues. Because of all those things he cried (a lot) during his first few months. I did the best I could and tried everything to ease his discomforts. And I was home, alone. All day. With the baby. By myself.

But he got older, got over his issues .... Sure, new ones came along (like teeth!) but they're not as bad. I went back to work. And now I come home to a smiling, happy baby. A baby that is happy to see me and hear me call him "chubba-chubba". A baby that puts his little hand on my face to get my attention. A baby that puts his arms around me now. A baby that laughs.....

Aaron is happy. No matter what else is going on at work or at home, Aaron is happy.

He is my love. He is my home and my happiness. I only hope I can provide for him everything I ever had and more. (Props to mom & dad for raising 3 *mostly normal* and happy girls).

I love you baby boy! KISSES from mommy!