Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I could never love again, so much as I love you



This isn't so much as an update on Aaron as it is an update on mommy (me!). Last night I was holding my little chubba-chubba in my arms, putting him to sleep by the sounds of the Dave Matthews Band and I looked down into his sleeping face and thought, How could I ever love anything more than this?

You see when Aaron was first born I think I walked around in a daze..... partly because of those damn drugs but mostly because I don't think I realized that those 9 months had finally produced a beautiful baby boy that I could hold in my arms. A boy that I had to take care of, who was my responsibility and depended completely on me. Suddenly the confidence I had (I just knew I was going to be the best mommy ever!) went out the door and I was a bit nervous and unsure. On top of that I felt bad that he wasn't birthed and instead yanked out of my tummy via c-section. Was that traumatic for him?

Then there was the acid reflux and the gas and the constipation and the formula issues. Because of all those things he cried (a lot) during his first few months. I did the best I could and tried everything to ease his discomforts. And I was home, alone. All day. With the baby. By myself.

But he got older, got over his issues .... Sure, new ones came along (like teeth!) but they're not as bad. I went back to work. And now I come home to a smiling, happy baby. A baby that is happy to see me and hear me call him "chubba-chubba". A baby that puts his little hand on my face to get my attention. A baby that puts his arms around me now. A baby that laughs.....

Aaron is happy. No matter what else is going on at work or at home, Aaron is happy.

He is my love. He is my home and my happiness. I only hope I can provide for him everything I ever had and more. (Props to mom & dad for raising 3 *mostly normal* and happy girls).

I love you baby boy! KISSES from mommy!


OHmommy said...

awwww... so sweet.