Sunday, July 3, 2011

I just turned in my SAHM card (gulp)

I am a huge ball of emotions lately.  I knew that when we moved to California, part of the reason was that we would be close to my parents so that I could look for some part time work when I was ready (which is totally laughable because I would never be ready).  And so, being that the economy sucks, the job market in California is ridiculous and Josh seems to be in job that is permanently temporary (ie, low pay & no benefits) I applied for a job.  I only halfheartedly applied for it seriously knowing it was low pay and thinking that they wouldn't even call me back.  WRONG.

Not only did they call me back, they had me interview three different times.  THREE.  The entire time span between interview 1 and interview 3, I was going insane trying to balance emotions and logic.  The entire process seemed like trying to catch and control a runaway train.  Do I take it or leave it?  Wanting to take something and knowing you should, are two completely different things.  Yes, the pay is low (that alone makes me want to cry because it's seriously almost HALF of what I made at UW) and yes, the hours are closer to full time at 32 hours a week, but they do offer insurance, which we are lacking.  And it seems like a welcoming environment.  I think they were a bit confused as to why, after looking at my resume, I'd apply for a job like an administrative assistant.  They asked me in each interview if I was OK with doing these "menial" tasks and if I was sure I wouldn't get bored and leave after 6 months.  They had good reason to think this I suppose.  But my focus has changed, and my priorities are at home now.  I love being at home with Aaron.  And someday, we'd like Aaron to have a sibling.  For me, that means less focus and time at work and more at home.  So in that regard, this job works out just fine.  Part of me still wants to plant my feet on the ground and stomp while screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" at the top of my lungs.  I'm sure on my first day at work, you'll see scratch marks on the walls and door frame of my apartment as I'm being dragged out of the front door.  BUT, I feel (hope, pray) that this was the right decision.  I'll guess we'll all find out together........

In the mean time, Aaron is growing and talking (talking talking) more and more.  He loves music, loves to sing and dance (though he can be shy at times).  He's so smart and he amazes me everyday.  Currently, we're hoping to get him a new, big boy bed.  I thought about a toddler bed until I saw how small they are and knew Aaron would be out of it in a New York minute.  So I think we're going straight to a twin bed.  He's still not potty trained, but I am SO ready to be done with diapers.  Seriously.  I think he's ready to be out of his high chair too, though we've had to prolong it because we have a high table and he can't sit in these chairs (think stool height) on his own.  So that means we'll be shopping for a new table as well.  Yup, this boy is definitely growing.

Now I feel like I'm going to miss out on a lot of his growing, but I'm relieved and happy to know that he'll be taken care of by family.  And he loves his Grandpa Howard & Grandma Yvette.  He asks practically everyday to go over to see them or his tia Eva.  To him it's like they're one entity sometimes!  It's more like "Can we go see grandpagrandmatiaeva?".  And anytime I'm on the phone he's practically screaming "It's Grandpa?!  It's Grandma?!".  It's adorable. 

Well, we're definitely in for a new chapter in life and changes for all of us.  But change usually equals moving forward, so it's got to be good, right?

Hope you're all well out there in cyberland.  Have a wonderful 4th of July from our family to yours!!